Whether you’re excited to try something new with your partner on Valentine’s Day or setting aside some time to reconnect, here are a few tips to make sure your romantic experience is spicy and not sour.
Get your house in order
No, I’m not talking about spring cleaning - unless of course you’re someone who needs an uncluttered environment to stay in the mood. There’s no getting around the fact that physical intimacy can be unwelcome when there’s bad blood in the relationship. For kinky fun, this is even more important because it requires additional trust and communication. When I go through bouts of pricklyness with my husband, I don’t want him anywhere near me, nevertheless bending me over to take a spanking.
Make a concerted effort to reduce relationship conflict in the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. Put energy into activities that recharge your emotional connection like taking an interest in each other’s hobbies or reminiscing about shared memories. Don’t wait until the last minute and expect to magically overcome resentment.
Create a shared fantasy
Even though it can be great to spend time alone exploring what you like, it can be even more satisfying to make your fantasies come true. Jot down 5 ideas of something you’d like to try with your partner and have your partner do the same. Select one idea from your partner’s list and look for a way to combine both selections into a shared activity.
For example, if one person has an interest in being restrained and the other person has an interest in having sex in novel locations, have your Valentine’s Day romp on the kitchen counters with one person in handcuffs.
The ideal arrangement is one where everyone gets something out of it and no one feels uncomfortable. As long as you’re getting some “yums”, an “eh” is ok but a “yuck” is not. Don’t feel pressure to like all the exact same things, almost no couple is perfectly aligned. The important thing is that you take a step towards your partner - while still honoring your personal boundaries.
If it feels like a challenge to come up with new kinky ideas, then you may want to try a pre-planned adventure like Saturday Box. Whether you’re a boss disciplining a secretary or an interrogator chasing a spy, each adventure can be sculpted to your individual taste. Each Saturday Box includes gameplay and character cards with easy-to-follow steps and a matching set of props, toys, and lingerie.
Put the ‘play’ in foreplay
It’s common knowledge (hopefully) that most women need at least 15-20 minutes of foreplay before intercourse begins, but you can start playing before you even get to the bedroom. Engage in some low-stakes flirtation in advance and build anticipation for the big event.
If verbally talking about sex stuff makes you nervous, send a text or a naughty picture to your partner telling them about everything you want to do to them later. Practice your roleplaying skills in advance by having a short conversation in character over the phone. It can be a lot easier to add kink into the mix one step at a time. You may feel more comfortable when you have time to think of a perfect response. Or you might feel less self-conscious when you know the other person can’t see you. The more time you spend playing with your clothes on, the smoother things will be when it’s time to get down to business.
However you decide to celebrate Valentine’s Day, remember that an open conversation with your partner is the first step to making your wildest dreams come true.
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