There’s nothing like the nasty, romantic hangover that hits us after Valentine’s Day to make us reassess the state of our love life. Whether on social media or walking down the grocery aisle, we are constantly inundated with images of what love is supposed to look like.
Rose petals on a bed. Weekend getaway trips to Ibiza. A witty barbershop quartet disturbing your place of work. Even for those of us fortunate enough to be with a partner who we love, there’s a sting of longing for the romance we had before real life hit us like a truck.
But what if our favorite love stories could help us reimagine our own love? As a romance author and the founder of Saturday Box, a kink and roleplay adventure company, I’ve seen how the line between fantasy and reality can be as simple as a mindset shift. Here are four things we can learn from the classics:
The Meet Cute
There’s perhaps no more beloved romance trope than the Meet Cute. Whether the main characters are rival bookstore owners or trapped in a Groundhog Day time loop, we love to see the worlds of two unlikely characters collide. Reliving the moments when they were furthest apart from each other highlights what a perfect couple they will become.
This trick works in real life too: studies show that reminiscing about your relationship can make you feel closer, more committed, and more loving towards your partner. If you don’t have a show-stopping anecdote for how you met, think back to the state you were in before you met your partner and reflect on how they’ve enriched your life. Share these happy memories over a warm drink or a late-night snack.
Getting to Know You
For many love stories, it’s more about the journey than the destination. Before, during, and sometimes after the couple falls head over heels for each other, we watch them fight, scream, brood, and pout - and we eat it up. Just because they love each other, it doesn’t mean all their problems have gone away.
While your relationship is hopefully a bit more peaceful than a TV couple, it undoubtedly has its ups and downs, periods where you are able to spend more time with each other, periods where you are frequently getting on each other’s nerves. Give yourself space to acknowledge that while even great relationships have bumps, there’s always room for a new chapter. Unless of course, you forget to tell your lover about your plan to drink a certain sleeping potion and wake up in the family mausoleum (*cough* Juliet).
Will they, won’t they?
How many times have you seen two characters, lips mere centimeters apart, before they’re interrupted by an unwelcome visitor? When life or kids are keeping you from each other, it can be easy to feel discouraged, but you can reframe the situation to make urgency your best friend.
Rekindle the thrill of sneaking around your parents’ house and trying not to get caught. Slip in moments of passion and affection wherever you can. Treat it like a game. But being ready to heat things up at a moment’s notice means that your relationship needs to already be at a comfortable room temperature. Make sure that everyone has enough time to themselves and that there’s no resentment from unequal burdens at home. It’s always better to be hungry for someone rather than sick of seeing their face.
Happily Ever After
Fairytale characters get to close the book, so aside from the gritty live-action retellings, we assume things worked out well. But your story keeps going. Just when you fix one problem in your relationship, it feels like another one pops up. As much as we’d like to preserve the good times in amber, our Happy Ever Afters take a bit more work. Take a minute to celebrate all the dragons you’ve already slayed and make a plan for the ones to come.
What goals do you have for your relationship? Is it spending more time together? How about something that you’ve always wanted to try in the bedroom? According to research by the University of Waterloo, forecasting the future can improve current relationship conflict. Work together as a team to handle issues before they come between you.
Remember: No one would read a book made up of only happy endings. The best thing about romance is watching people rediscover each other. The obstacles you face and how you handle them are what makes your love great, on Valentine’s Day or any other.
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